I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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