I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
