3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
third nipple confirmed
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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