I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
