I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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