I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
