but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
