I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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