dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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