u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
