I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dick very happy bro
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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