what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
