It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
