At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
