Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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