The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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