I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
