I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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