I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
