Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
