so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dear god my vagina.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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