the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
