3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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