Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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