fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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