I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
