Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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