I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
