i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
