Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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