Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
