your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
