I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
a search helicopter?!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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