youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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