I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
