Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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