I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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