I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
