oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
