the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
why do cheetos always look like penises
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
