I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
