Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
