I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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