we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
