i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
