so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
