If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
