she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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