i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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