i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
