How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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