then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
