his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
