Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
