dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
