Who wears a wallet chain?!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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