At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We need to rekindle our bromance
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
