Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
