I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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