So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She even gives head with a lisp.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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