"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
