He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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